bubble gum anyone?

Bubble gum has become quite an exciting item with M & J lately. Today they spotted a piece on the ground. After explaining why we shouldn't step on it, I was scooting Jason into the truck when he genuinely, sincerely asked if he could chew it. That's right, chew it. He asked to pick it up and chew it. He promised he would keep it in his mouth. While I was emphatically explaining why this would be a really really bad idea, I turn around to load Mads in just in time to swat the gum out of HER HAND RIGHT BEFORE SHE PUT IT IN HER MOUTH! I was just short of coming out of my skin screaming at her to PUT IT DOWN BEFORE SHE CONTRACTED HEPATITIS, TONISILITIS, OR DERMITIS! the other, more put together mothers just looked on unamused.

whew.

Whoa!

What's with State Farm taking "Cheers'"Theme song? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, hearing on the tv all the time now, but that melody is reserved for Sam, Diane, and the gang, I'm not crazy about state farm trying to get in on that. No bueno!

Again?!?!

So we're leaving church and I asked maddie what she learned about.
"Jesus" she studiously replied.
To that Jason added, "what book did you read?"
"the bible. Maddie proudly announced.
"again?!" Jason exclaimed!

Family bowling night

Phrases heard from our home...

Here are a few phrases heard from our home lately:

-as Maddie & I are walking out the door to Jason's teeball game, I hear Trav call to Jason, "Take the mustache off and leave it on the table..."

-Maddie: "Mommy, I have a booger here and I'm not going to eat it."
Jason: "Maddie, don't eat your boogers, they'll make you small."
Maddie: "No! They're Sweet!" (what being sweet has to do with not making you small, I'm not sure, I walked away after Madds started in on the booger bit, I just heard Jason's wisdom on my way to the kitchen).

Saturday Night Excitement

It doesn't get any wilder (is that a word?) or crazier than Saturday nights here at Casa Olson. That's right, it's party central. Not really. This Saturday night I spent time catching up on Up All Night, my new favorite show and playing Words with friends on commercials. It's really funny, that's why I chose to watch 3 episodes in a row instead of doing something wildish and crazish, well that and I have 2 children and my husband was rockin' the Weezer concert tonight. So here' to Chris & Reagan & Crew & why they're my new favorite tv characters:

6. Chris really likes the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, The Spin Doctors AND that Train song, "hey soul sista"
5. Ava doesn't have a flat stomach, no where even close
4. they remind me that I'm not the only one in the universe who has lost coolness since becoming parents
3. Reagan wears a girdle and 2 pairs of spanx. I don't actually have a girdle, but I did contemplate buying one, then I started wondering if they made girdles anymore. I guess so.
2. It reminds me of when my husband used to be a lawyer and I had an exciting tv producer job. Oh wait, I was never a tv producer and travis was never a lawyer, nevermind.
1. I guess it just makes our sometimes parental incompetence seem a little more normal. so if you sometimes find yourself experiencing the occasional parental incompetence, you should so watch this show.

Shout out to my Girls

I am a mess 97% of the time. I have to give mad props (that's super cool hip hop lingo for kudos or compliments) to my girls, my posse, my homies, I think you get the point. They keep me sane, grounded, always listen and laugh at my jokes. I heart you Girlies!

Mommy, why does Daddy drink so much?

*The following account is true. No names or events have been changed to save embarrassment. I am not making this up.

So Jason & I are on our way to school this week when Jason asks, "Mommy, why does Daddy drink so much?"

I alarmingly scan my mind to see what he could possibly be talking about. "What do you mean baby?"

"I mean, why does Daddy drink so much of that white creamy stuff that we use to make icing and ice cream?"

"OHHHHHH (an epiphany/sigh of relief), whipping cream? Daddy just likes it, that's all."

I guess the next time Trav uses whipping cream in his shake, I'll be a little more discreet when I get steamed up about it.

Family Photos

We had a surprisingly enjoyable family photos session, much unlike our Christmas pictures. It was November & we were in the studio & the photographer asks Trav to lay down on the floor. Travis matter of factly informed her he wasn't laying down on the floor. She then turns to me and says right in front of Trav - again, I'm not making this up - "Do you want him to lay down on the floor?" to which I confusingly replied, "Well, he just told you he wasn't going to lay down on the floor." She then matter a factly states "Well in some marriages, when the wife tells the husband to lay down, he does it." I replied, "Well, it doesn't work that way in our family." Our session didn't last too much longer after that.

This time Sara Slama was our photographer & if you're looking for someone good, she'll do the job.

Bragging. Just a little.

My baby is reading!!

My baby is reading, sniff, sniff.

DISCLAIMER: I'm typically a pretty humble person, I don't like to brag, I think it's kind of tacky, (except, here, I did, but I was really proud and excited). That's one reason why I'm not coo coo for cocoa puffs over facebook, well, one of 17 reasons really, but most the time it just seems like a forum for bragging, well from what I know anyway. Like the whole "checking in" thing. That's not boastful? "look at me, I'm fancy" "Checked in at the Hilton, Las Vegas" or "Checked in at Spa Obnoxious" or "Checked in on the moon" does anybody's ever say like "checked in at Hair Removal Clinic" or "Checked in at Free Clinic" or "Checked in at Big Lots" ( I could really keep going here, but I won't) How do I know? You, facebookees, might snarl, well when I go to these places my facebook addicted friends have to check in and most of the time when we go to the Dallas county Parole Office, they're not reachin' for the phone! Anyway, I am joining the crowd, so if you don't want to hear me brag about my first born, my sweet baby boy, who's really not a baby anymore at 48 pounds, 48 inches, 99 percentile for 5 year-olds, about to start kindergarten and is reading, well, I completely understand. Just don't unload about me on your blog :)


Back to my bragging: Jason is reading!















sniff, sniff

Rangers Game

Sea World Take I

I might be the least prepared person I know. Let me just give you an example. Last week we went to San Antonio to do the whole Sea World, Alamo, Texas heat thing. Here is the photo from Day 1 at Sea World.


Yep, that's THE photo. THE photo was taken while waiting in line to get in. After THE photo was taken, the batteries died. We did however get a waterproof camera for Day 2. More photos to come.

Summer Plans

So Friday I'm going back to school. Graduate school that is! Well, I'm not exactly going back to graduate school, because I've never really been, I just mean I'm going back to school and the type of school is graduate school. I think you know what I mean.

Anywho, after seriously considering a career with ATI in court reporting, air conditioner repair, or possibly spa administration, I decided to stick with what I know; no not total catastrophes that result from poor planning, but school, kids, education. I'm going to be a school counselor! I can't wait. For years I've been dulling out advice, now I get to get paid to do it. It's going to be great! I'll be sure and keep you updated on how the advice giving's going.

You again?

Weeds really are the party crashers of the garden world. No one wants them there, not the host (me) or the invited guests (watermelon, bell peppers, green beans...). But they are really unaware that they don't belong. Weeds have difficulty with social cues, if I've hostily taken you out 3, 4, oh 8 times this summer already, you'd think they'd take a hint and find a gated community that welcomes them, not my little gated community (garden) that has informed the bouncer to throw them out.

But I do say, I admire their resilience, they just keep on coming back. Well lemme tell you something weeds, I'm pretty stubborn too, so keep bringing it on!

Gracias!

I'm extremely thankful for all that I have. Some days, more thankful than others. So here's this moment's list of things I'm thankful for.

10. I'm thankful that The Good Lord has blessed me with 2 children. Not 8. And Not 8 children that I have to take to a really busy grocery store. Alone.

9. I'm really thankful I don't have an affinity for pork rinds. Ugh.

8. I'm thankful that I have a loving husband who is also a teacher. And not an OB/Gyn.

7. I'm really thankful that I have a sense of modesty and that I have a little voice in my head that says, you know, after 2 kids, is that little bitty teeny weeny barely there 2 piece swimsuit from Fredricks of Hollywood really a good idea?

6. I passed on the perm at the cosmetology school. Oh, wait, I didn't pass on that, nevermind.

5. Brownie batter. The only thing that is greater than my fear of contracting salmonella is my fervor for all things sugar + butter + eggs + flour + chocolate (actually my fear of contracting trichnosis is up there too, but that's for another day). I like to live on the edge, I scoff at the raw egg and say live! Eat batter!

5. Cake Batter. (see #5)

4. Cookie Dough (see...wait, this post is quickly taking a different direction, I'm off task, need to regroup).

3. I'm glad I skipped the whole role playing games phase.

2. I'm thankful my two beautiful children are healthy. And noisy. Really noisy, usually right around the time my new issue of Real Simple magazine arrives.

1. My blog. And the millions, well maybe not millions, hundreds? tens of people? I'm thankful for the handful (couple?) who enjoy my writing and can laugh with me.

Happy Trails!

Quantity Control

So most parents assume, incorrectly might I add, that they will save millions of dollars once their bundles of joy are potty trained. We were under the same foolish falicy. I envisioned a life of luxury, having both kidos out of diapers: lavish vacations, fancy cars, fine furs, imported cured meats. Almost one year later, not so much. The money you no longer spend on diapers goes to Mr. Charmin. Mr. Charmin? Toilet paper. It's true. Maddie & Jason both are in what the experts call "independent toileting" otherwise known as "how much toilet paper can I pull off the roll to use for this one 3-5 second event.

Trying to combat the depletion of the North American forests, I've been talking to M & J about "quantity control," you really only need 3 squares, that's what we've been shooting for.

Well today, it backfired. Kirk "spilled" on the floor today. So I quickly rush him out of the house, banish Maddie as she has Trav's sympathetic vomiting syndrome & start the clean up with the tissue I already grabbed. JASON! QUICK! I NEED MORE TP STAT! I'm doing my best at this point to keep my lunch down, Jason finally emerges with this:


That's right. 1 square of toilet paper. Quantity control. UGH!

21.5

Pounds. GONE. SIANARA! ADIOS! I am 21.5 pounds lighter than I was January 7. Plus $200 richer. I'm the biggest loser. The winner of the competition anyway. It seems as though eating less calories and exercising more really does work. Who knew?

I love Cheaters

I have a guilty pleasure. I do. Like some people have diet coke, or heroine, or paying for...well you get the picture.

I love Cheaters. Joey Greco's "reality show" that is. Not people who lie and swindle others. I actually really dislike those folks. Anywho, back to Cheaters. For my friends on the West Side, this is a "reality" show where people hire Joey Greco and his crew of very professional PIs (private investigators) when they suspect their loved one of infidelty. The PIs follow the alleged fornicator and tape, obtaining evidence of the suspicion. When Joey's crew have enough evidence, they show the suspicious partner footage and then take them (usually in pajamas, houseshoes, or an old t-shirt) to confront their loved one and the other person. Profanity always ensues, with the usual hair pulling, shoving, and punching. It's terrible I know. It's trashy, exploitative, but like a train wreck, I can't look away.


Because I love Cheaters, I'm writing a list of suggestions for those who are considering calling Joey and his peeps and putting themselves on national TV:

1. Before confronting your loved one, consider fixing yourself up. Not that the one who is cheating on you with a girl who is fit, has great hair and make-up and is not wearing an "I'm with Studid" T-shirt, doesn't find you attractive anymore, but when you show up in houseshoes, sweatpants, 7 day unwashed hair and no make up, you're not making a very good case for the sleazebag to want you back (you might also consider putting your hair up, remember, the confrontations often end in hair pulling -and DON'T wear a weave, that never ends well.). Not to mention, you know when Joey calls, you're going to be on national TV. Is a bart simpson t shirt and houseshoes really how you want to make your debut?

2. Take advantage of Cheaters PR department to spice up your resume. NaNa who works at CVS is "in medical sales" or "T-Whiz" who runs the drive through at KFC is "a food representative".

3.Consider going with your given name on said resume, assuming "NaNa", "Shorty", and "T-Whiz" are nicknames; if these are your given names, maybe you might consider a nickname.

4. Before you call Joey, think this through. If your man or lady has cheated on you 3,4 times before and you suspect them of cheating (because you find numbers in their pockets, they don't come home all night, you find other girls personals in their 88 Cavalier) They ARE cheating. You really don't need Joey to put his life on the line gathering this evidence.

5. When you come back for your follow up interview, put yourself together (see #1).

Happy Birthday Maddie!

Jason took this picture!