Family Photos

We had a surprisingly enjoyable family photos session, much unlike our Christmas pictures. It was November & we were in the studio & the photographer asks Trav to lay down on the floor. Travis matter of factly informed her he wasn't laying down on the floor. She then turns to me and says right in front of Trav - again, I'm not making this up - "Do you want him to lay down on the floor?" to which I confusingly replied, "Well, he just told you he wasn't going to lay down on the floor." She then matter a factly states "Well in some marriages, when the wife tells the husband to lay down, he does it." I replied, "Well, it doesn't work that way in our family." Our session didn't last too much longer after that.

This time Sara Slama was our photographer & if you're looking for someone good, she'll do the job.

Bragging. Just a little.

My baby is reading!!

My baby is reading, sniff, sniff.

DISCLAIMER: I'm typically a pretty humble person, I don't like to brag, I think it's kind of tacky, (except, here, I did, but I was really proud and excited). That's one reason why I'm not coo coo for cocoa puffs over facebook, well, one of 17 reasons really, but most the time it just seems like a forum for bragging, well from what I know anyway. Like the whole "checking in" thing. That's not boastful? "look at me, I'm fancy" "Checked in at the Hilton, Las Vegas" or "Checked in at Spa Obnoxious" or "Checked in on the moon" does anybody's ever say like "checked in at Hair Removal Clinic" or "Checked in at Free Clinic" or "Checked in at Big Lots" ( I could really keep going here, but I won't) How do I know? You, facebookees, might snarl, well when I go to these places my facebook addicted friends have to check in and most of the time when we go to the Dallas county Parole Office, they're not reachin' for the phone! Anyway, I am joining the crowd, so if you don't want to hear me brag about my first born, my sweet baby boy, who's really not a baby anymore at 48 pounds, 48 inches, 99 percentile for 5 year-olds, about to start kindergarten and is reading, well, I completely understand. Just don't unload about me on your blog :)


Back to my bragging: Jason is reading!















sniff, sniff

Rangers Game

Sea World Take I

I might be the least prepared person I know. Let me just give you an example. Last week we went to San Antonio to do the whole Sea World, Alamo, Texas heat thing. Here is the photo from Day 1 at Sea World.


Yep, that's THE photo. THE photo was taken while waiting in line to get in. After THE photo was taken, the batteries died. We did however get a waterproof camera for Day 2. More photos to come.

Summer Plans

So Friday I'm going back to school. Graduate school that is! Well, I'm not exactly going back to graduate school, because I've never really been, I just mean I'm going back to school and the type of school is graduate school. I think you know what I mean.

Anywho, after seriously considering a career with ATI in court reporting, air conditioner repair, or possibly spa administration, I decided to stick with what I know; no not total catastrophes that result from poor planning, but school, kids, education. I'm going to be a school counselor! I can't wait. For years I've been dulling out advice, now I get to get paid to do it. It's going to be great! I'll be sure and keep you updated on how the advice giving's going.

You again?

Weeds really are the party crashers of the garden world. No one wants them there, not the host (me) or the invited guests (watermelon, bell peppers, green beans...). But they are really unaware that they don't belong. Weeds have difficulty with social cues, if I've hostily taken you out 3, 4, oh 8 times this summer already, you'd think they'd take a hint and find a gated community that welcomes them, not my little gated community (garden) that has informed the bouncer to throw them out.

But I do say, I admire their resilience, they just keep on coming back. Well lemme tell you something weeds, I'm pretty stubborn too, so keep bringing it on!

Gracias!

I'm extremely thankful for all that I have. Some days, more thankful than others. So here's this moment's list of things I'm thankful for.

10. I'm thankful that The Good Lord has blessed me with 2 children. Not 8. And Not 8 children that I have to take to a really busy grocery store. Alone.

9. I'm really thankful I don't have an affinity for pork rinds. Ugh.

8. I'm thankful that I have a loving husband who is also a teacher. And not an OB/Gyn.

7. I'm really thankful that I have a sense of modesty and that I have a little voice in my head that says, you know, after 2 kids, is that little bitty teeny weeny barely there 2 piece swimsuit from Fredricks of Hollywood really a good idea?

6. I passed on the perm at the cosmetology school. Oh, wait, I didn't pass on that, nevermind.

5. Brownie batter. The only thing that is greater than my fear of contracting salmonella is my fervor for all things sugar + butter + eggs + flour + chocolate (actually my fear of contracting trichnosis is up there too, but that's for another day). I like to live on the edge, I scoff at the raw egg and say live! Eat batter!

5. Cake Batter. (see #5)

4. Cookie Dough (see...wait, this post is quickly taking a different direction, I'm off task, need to regroup).

3. I'm glad I skipped the whole role playing games phase.

2. I'm thankful my two beautiful children are healthy. And noisy. Really noisy, usually right around the time my new issue of Real Simple magazine arrives.

1. My blog. And the millions, well maybe not millions, hundreds? tens of people? I'm thankful for the handful (couple?) who enjoy my writing and can laugh with me.

Happy Trails!

Quantity Control

So most parents assume, incorrectly might I add, that they will save millions of dollars once their bundles of joy are potty trained. We were under the same foolish falicy. I envisioned a life of luxury, having both kidos out of diapers: lavish vacations, fancy cars, fine furs, imported cured meats. Almost one year later, not so much. The money you no longer spend on diapers goes to Mr. Charmin. Mr. Charmin? Toilet paper. It's true. Maddie & Jason both are in what the experts call "independent toileting" otherwise known as "how much toilet paper can I pull off the roll to use for this one 3-5 second event.

Trying to combat the depletion of the North American forests, I've been talking to M & J about "quantity control," you really only need 3 squares, that's what we've been shooting for.

Well today, it backfired. Kirk "spilled" on the floor today. So I quickly rush him out of the house, banish Maddie as she has Trav's sympathetic vomiting syndrome & start the clean up with the tissue I already grabbed. JASON! QUICK! I NEED MORE TP STAT! I'm doing my best at this point to keep my lunch down, Jason finally emerges with this:


That's right. 1 square of toilet paper. Quantity control. UGH!

21.5

Pounds. GONE. SIANARA! ADIOS! I am 21.5 pounds lighter than I was January 7. Plus $200 richer. I'm the biggest loser. The winner of the competition anyway. It seems as though eating less calories and exercising more really does work. Who knew?

I love Cheaters

I have a guilty pleasure. I do. Like some people have diet coke, or heroine, or paying for...well you get the picture.

I love Cheaters. Joey Greco's "reality show" that is. Not people who lie and swindle others. I actually really dislike those folks. Anywho, back to Cheaters. For my friends on the West Side, this is a "reality" show where people hire Joey Greco and his crew of very professional PIs (private investigators) when they suspect their loved one of infidelty. The PIs follow the alleged fornicator and tape, obtaining evidence of the suspicion. When Joey's crew have enough evidence, they show the suspicious partner footage and then take them (usually in pajamas, houseshoes, or an old t-shirt) to confront their loved one and the other person. Profanity always ensues, with the usual hair pulling, shoving, and punching. It's terrible I know. It's trashy, exploitative, but like a train wreck, I can't look away.


Because I love Cheaters, I'm writing a list of suggestions for those who are considering calling Joey and his peeps and putting themselves on national TV:

1. Before confronting your loved one, consider fixing yourself up. Not that the one who is cheating on you with a girl who is fit, has great hair and make-up and is not wearing an "I'm with Studid" T-shirt, doesn't find you attractive anymore, but when you show up in houseshoes, sweatpants, 7 day unwashed hair and no make up, you're not making a very good case for the sleazebag to want you back (you might also consider putting your hair up, remember, the confrontations often end in hair pulling -and DON'T wear a weave, that never ends well.). Not to mention, you know when Joey calls, you're going to be on national TV. Is a bart simpson t shirt and houseshoes really how you want to make your debut?

2. Take advantage of Cheaters PR department to spice up your resume. NaNa who works at CVS is "in medical sales" or "T-Whiz" who runs the drive through at KFC is "a food representative".

3.Consider going with your given name on said resume, assuming "NaNa", "Shorty", and "T-Whiz" are nicknames; if these are your given names, maybe you might consider a nickname.

4. Before you call Joey, think this through. If your man or lady has cheated on you 3,4 times before and you suspect them of cheating (because you find numbers in their pockets, they don't come home all night, you find other girls personals in their 88 Cavalier) They ARE cheating. You really don't need Joey to put his life on the line gathering this evidence.

5. When you come back for your follow up interview, put yourself together (see #1).

Happy Birthday Maddie!

Jason took this picture!

Snow Days!

Ode to Old Friends

So I haven't been doing so well on my new year's resolutions. A little more than a month in and I have been unable to pick up smoking, I've been reading lots of Eating Well magazine, which has prevented resolution #2 as well. All this Eating Well reading has also helped me to shed a few pounds. So, with this recent shedding has come some new habits, and with new habits, well, some old ones had to go, so here's my ode to some old friends I've said sinara to:
1. Braums' Brownie Fudge Sundae with chocolate ice cream no nuts
I have sadly missed our weekly rendezvous.
2. Weekend pitchers of Sweet Tea (or pancake syrup as Trav likes to call it)
3. Bacon Grease, my flavor full, crisping go to. I heart breakingly bid you a do.
4. Krispy Kreme Donuts. (Now just Krispy Kreme Donut)
5. 2 Meat Combo Plates with sides at (insert any local BBQ joint here), now I'm stickin' to just a sandwich plate and 1 veggie
6. Bread, Cinnamon Rolls, Sticky buns, Cinnamon toast, parkerhouse rolls, biscuits, cornbread, basically any warm carb that could be exponentially better with hot butter on it
7. Butter (Land o Lakes has called the house several times wondering why their sales are down)

Well old friends, we're not done for good, I'm just taking a sabbatical, a short hiatus until my waist line is back to reasonable digits. So Goodbye for now, but we'll meet again later, I'm certain of it,

Sadly yours,

Laundry Day

I love laundry day at the Olsons. No matter how many days have past, as soon as Maddie & Jason see one of their belongings in the clean clothes basket, so begins "Thank you Mommy for cleaning my super hero shirt!" "Oh thank you mommy for washing my monkey skirt!" As so on with almost every piece of clean laundry. A visitor might be under the assumption I only do laundry once every couple of months by the gratitude expressed, no so. Every week. Same song & dance, I just love it.

MADDIE!

ME: Maddie, what should you do when Mommy asks you to do something (after I've asked her 5! times!)

Maddie: Do it.

Me: When should you do it?

Maddie: Tuesday?

How to Save More Money

I love reading yahoo news & magazines - informational stuff mostly -

{aside - I know what you're thinking, 'Amber, you're not sticking to your New Year's Resolutions,' I know, get off my back already}

But,sometimes I feel like the articles let me down. Like when I read titles like "How to Lose More Weight," & "How to save More Money," the content is not what I was lead to believe. UGH! So disappointing

So if you can't stand them, join them right? here's my first attempt at some self help articles:

How to Lose Weight
1. Eat less Bacon
2. Do More Exercise

How to Save More Money
1. Stop buying dumb s*#t
2. Leave your money in your bank account

More ways to improve your health & your life, just send $19.95 to...

Happy 2011!

My Resolutions for 2011:

1. Start Smoking
It's going to be hard, as I absolutely detest cigarettes, but if I put my mind to it, I know I can do it.

2. Put on about 15 pounds. This is definitely doable, no worries here.

3. Read less.

4. Watch more 'Jersey Shore', '16 & Pregnant', 'Maury Povich', & 'Jerry Springer'.

5. Do more frivalous spending.

ps, Mom, if you're reading this, I'm only teasing, I have absolutely no intention of watching Maury or Jerry.