I'm extremely thankful for all that I have. Some days, more thankful than others. So here's this moment's list of things I'm thankful for.
10. I'm thankful that The Good Lord has blessed me with 2 children. Not 8. And Not 8 children that I have to take to a really busy grocery store. Alone.
9. I'm really thankful I don't have an affinity for pork rinds. Ugh.
8. I'm thankful that I have a loving husband who is also a teacher. And not an OB/Gyn.
7. I'm really thankful that I have a sense of modesty and that I have a little voice in my head that says, you know, after 2 kids, is that little bitty teeny weeny barely there 2 piece swimsuit from Fredricks of Hollywood really a good idea?
6. I passed on the perm at the cosmetology school. Oh, wait, I didn't pass on that, nevermind.
5. Brownie batter. The only thing that is greater than my fear of contracting salmonella is my fervor for all things sugar + butter + eggs + flour + chocolate (actually my fear of contracting trichnosis is up there too, but that's for another day). I like to live on the edge, I scoff at the raw egg and say live! Eat batter!
5. Cake Batter. (see #5)
4. Cookie Dough (see...wait, this post is quickly taking a different direction, I'm off task, need to regroup).
3. I'm glad I skipped the whole role playing games phase.
2. I'm thankful my two beautiful children are healthy. And noisy. Really noisy, usually right around the time my new issue of Real Simple magazine arrives.
1. My blog. And the millions, well maybe not millions, hundreds? tens of people? I'm thankful for the handful (couple?) who enjoy my writing and can laugh with me.
Happy Trails!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Quantity Control
So most parents assume, incorrectly might I add, that they will save millions of dollars once their bundles of joy are potty trained. We were under the same foolish falicy. I envisioned a life of luxury, having both kidos out of diapers: lavish vacations, fancy cars, fine furs, imported cured meats. Almost one year later, not so much. The money you no longer spend on diapers goes to Mr. Charmin. Mr. Charmin? Toilet paper. It's true. Maddie & Jason both are in what the experts call "independent toileting" otherwise known as "how much toilet paper can I pull off the roll to use for this one 3-5 second event.
Trying to combat the depletion of the North American forests, I've been talking to M & J about "quantity control," you really only need 3 squares, that's what we've been shooting for.
Well today, it backfired. Kirk "spilled" on the floor today. So I quickly rush him out of the house, banish Maddie as she has Trav's sympathetic vomiting syndrome & start the clean up with the tissue I already grabbed. JASON! QUICK! I NEED MORE TP STAT! I'm doing my best at this point to keep my lunch down, Jason finally emerges with this:
That's right. 1 square of toilet paper. Quantity control. UGH!
Trying to combat the depletion of the North American forests, I've been talking to M & J about "quantity control," you really only need 3 squares, that's what we've been shooting for.
Well today, it backfired. Kirk "spilled" on the floor today. So I quickly rush him out of the house, banish Maddie as she has Trav's sympathetic vomiting syndrome & start the clean up with the tissue I already grabbed. JASON! QUICK! I NEED MORE TP STAT! I'm doing my best at this point to keep my lunch down, Jason finally emerges with this:
That's right. 1 square of toilet paper. Quantity control. UGH!
21.5
Pounds. GONE. SIANARA! ADIOS! I am 21.5 pounds lighter than I was January 7. Plus $200 richer. I'm the biggest loser. The winner of the competition anyway. It seems as though eating less calories and exercising more really does work. Who knew?
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I love Cheaters
I have a guilty pleasure. I do. Like some people have diet coke, or heroine, or paying for...well you get the picture.
I love Cheaters. Joey Greco's "reality show" that is. Not people who lie and swindle others. I actually really dislike those folks. Anywho, back to Cheaters. For my friends on the West Side, this is a "reality" show where people hire Joey Greco and his crew of very professional PIs (private investigators) when they suspect their loved one of infidelty. The PIs follow the alleged fornicator and tape, obtaining evidence of the suspicion. When Joey's crew have enough evidence, they show the suspicious partner footage and then take them (usually in pajamas, houseshoes, or an old t-shirt) to confront their loved one and the other person. Profanity always ensues, with the usual hair pulling, shoving, and punching. It's terrible I know. It's trashy, exploitative, but like a train wreck, I can't look away.
Because I love Cheaters, I'm writing a list of suggestions for those who are considering calling Joey and his peeps and putting themselves on national TV:
1. Before confronting your loved one, consider fixing yourself up. Not that the one who is cheating on you with a girl who is fit, has great hair and make-up and is not wearing an "I'm with Studid" T-shirt, doesn't find you attractive anymore, but when you show up in houseshoes, sweatpants, 7 day unwashed hair and no make up, you're not making a very good case for the sleazebag to want you back (you might also consider putting your hair up, remember, the confrontations often end in hair pulling -and DON'T wear a weave, that never ends well.). Not to mention, you know when Joey calls, you're going to be on national TV. Is a bart simpson t shirt and houseshoes really how you want to make your debut?
2. Take advantage of Cheaters PR department to spice up your resume. NaNa who works at CVS is "in medical sales" or "T-Whiz" who runs the drive through at KFC is "a food representative".
3.Consider going with your given name on said resume, assuming "NaNa", "Shorty", and "T-Whiz" are nicknames; if these are your given names, maybe you might consider a nickname.
4. Before you call Joey, think this through. If your man or lady has cheated on you 3,4 times before and you suspect them of cheating (because you find numbers in their pockets, they don't come home all night, you find other girls personals in their 88 Cavalier) They ARE cheating. You really don't need Joey to put his life on the line gathering this evidence.
5. When you come back for your follow up interview, put yourself together (see #1).
I love Cheaters. Joey Greco's "reality show" that is. Not people who lie and swindle others. I actually really dislike those folks. Anywho, back to Cheaters. For my friends on the West Side, this is a "reality" show where people hire Joey Greco and his crew of very professional PIs (private investigators) when they suspect their loved one of infidelty. The PIs follow the alleged fornicator and tape, obtaining evidence of the suspicion. When Joey's crew have enough evidence, they show the suspicious partner footage and then take them (usually in pajamas, houseshoes, or an old t-shirt) to confront their loved one and the other person. Profanity always ensues, with the usual hair pulling, shoving, and punching. It's terrible I know. It's trashy, exploitative, but like a train wreck, I can't look away.
Because I love Cheaters, I'm writing a list of suggestions for those who are considering calling Joey and his peeps and putting themselves on national TV:
1. Before confronting your loved one, consider fixing yourself up. Not that the one who is cheating on you with a girl who is fit, has great hair and make-up and is not wearing an "I'm with Studid" T-shirt, doesn't find you attractive anymore, but when you show up in houseshoes, sweatpants, 7 day unwashed hair and no make up, you're not making a very good case for the sleazebag to want you back (you might also consider putting your hair up, remember, the confrontations often end in hair pulling -and DON'T wear a weave, that never ends well.). Not to mention, you know when Joey calls, you're going to be on national TV. Is a bart simpson t shirt and houseshoes really how you want to make your debut?
2. Take advantage of Cheaters PR department to spice up your resume. NaNa who works at CVS is "in medical sales" or "T-Whiz" who runs the drive through at KFC is "a food representative".
3.Consider going with your given name on said resume, assuming "NaNa", "Shorty", and "T-Whiz" are nicknames; if these are your given names, maybe you might consider a nickname.
4. Before you call Joey, think this through. If your man or lady has cheated on you 3,4 times before and you suspect them of cheating (because you find numbers in their pockets, they don't come home all night, you find other girls personals in their 88 Cavalier) They ARE cheating. You really don't need Joey to put his life on the line gathering this evidence.
5. When you come back for your follow up interview, put yourself together (see #1).
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Ode to Old Friends
So I haven't been doing so well on my new year's resolutions. A little more than a month in and I have been unable to pick up smoking, I've been reading lots of Eating Well magazine, which has prevented resolution #2 as well. All this Eating Well reading has also helped me to shed a few pounds. So, with this recent shedding has come some new habits, and with new habits, well, some old ones had to go, so here's my ode to some old friends I've said sinara to:
1. Braums' Brownie Fudge Sundae with chocolate ice cream no nuts
I have sadly missed our weekly rendezvous.
2. Weekend pitchers of Sweet Tea (or pancake syrup as Trav likes to call it)
3. Bacon Grease, my flavor full, crisping go to. I heart breakingly bid you a do.
4. Krispy Kreme Donuts. (Now just Krispy Kreme Donut)
5. 2 Meat Combo Plates with sides at (insert any local BBQ joint here), now I'm stickin' to just a sandwich plate and 1 veggie
6. Bread, Cinnamon Rolls, Sticky buns, Cinnamon toast, parkerhouse rolls, biscuits, cornbread, basically any warm carb that could be exponentially better with hot butter on it
7. Butter (Land o Lakes has called the house several times wondering why their sales are down)
Well old friends, we're not done for good, I'm just taking a sabbatical, a short hiatus until my waist line is back to reasonable digits. So Goodbye for now, but we'll meet again later, I'm certain of it,
Sadly yours,
1. Braums' Brownie Fudge Sundae with chocolate ice cream no nuts
I have sadly missed our weekly rendezvous.
2. Weekend pitchers of Sweet Tea (or pancake syrup as Trav likes to call it)
3. Bacon Grease, my flavor full, crisping go to. I heart breakingly bid you a do.
4. Krispy Kreme Donuts. (Now just Krispy Kreme Donut)
5. 2 Meat Combo Plates with sides at (insert any local BBQ joint here), now I'm stickin' to just a sandwich plate and 1 veggie
6. Bread, Cinnamon Rolls, Sticky buns, Cinnamon toast, parkerhouse rolls, biscuits, cornbread, basically any warm carb that could be exponentially better with hot butter on it
7. Butter (Land o Lakes has called the house several times wondering why their sales are down)
Well old friends, we're not done for good, I'm just taking a sabbatical, a short hiatus until my waist line is back to reasonable digits. So Goodbye for now, but we'll meet again later, I'm certain of it,
Sadly yours,
Laundry Day
I love laundry day at the Olsons. No matter how many days have past, as soon as Maddie & Jason see one of their belongings in the clean clothes basket, so begins "Thank you Mommy for cleaning my super hero shirt!" "Oh thank you mommy for washing my monkey skirt!" As so on with almost every piece of clean laundry. A visitor might be under the assumption I only do laundry once every couple of months by the gratitude expressed, no so. Every week. Same song & dance, I just love it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
MADDIE!
ME: Maddie, what should you do when Mommy asks you to do something (after I've asked her 5! times!)
Maddie: Do it.
Me: When should you do it?
Maddie: Tuesday?
Maddie: Do it.
Me: When should you do it?
Maddie: Tuesday?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
How to Save More Money
I love reading yahoo news & magazines - informational stuff mostly -
{aside - I know what you're thinking, 'Amber, you're not sticking to your New Year's Resolutions,' I know, get off my back already}
But,sometimes I feel like the articles let me down. Like when I read titles like "How to Lose More Weight," & "How to save More Money," the content is not what I was lead to believe. UGH! So disappointing
So if you can't stand them, join them right? here's my first attempt at some self help articles:
How to Lose Weight
1. Eat less Bacon
2. Do More Exercise
How to Save More Money
1. Stop buying dumb s*#t
2. Leave your money in your bank account
More ways to improve your health & your life, just send $19.95 to...
{aside - I know what you're thinking, 'Amber, you're not sticking to your New Year's Resolutions,' I know, get off my back already}
But,sometimes I feel like the articles let me down. Like when I read titles like "How to Lose More Weight," & "How to save More Money," the content is not what I was lead to believe. UGH! So disappointing
So if you can't stand them, join them right? here's my first attempt at some self help articles:
How to Lose Weight
1. Eat less Bacon
2. Do More Exercise
How to Save More Money
1. Stop buying dumb s*#t
2. Leave your money in your bank account
More ways to improve your health & your life, just send $19.95 to...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Happy 2011!
My Resolutions for 2011:
1. Start Smoking
It's going to be hard, as I absolutely detest cigarettes, but if I put my mind to it, I know I can do it.
2. Put on about 15 pounds. This is definitely doable, no worries here.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more 'Jersey Shore', '16 & Pregnant', 'Maury Povich', & 'Jerry Springer'.
5. Do more frivalous spending.
ps, Mom, if you're reading this, I'm only teasing, I have absolutely no intention of watching Maury or Jerry.
1. Start Smoking
It's going to be hard, as I absolutely detest cigarettes, but if I put my mind to it, I know I can do it.
2. Put on about 15 pounds. This is definitely doable, no worries here.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more 'Jersey Shore', '16 & Pregnant', 'Maury Povich', & 'Jerry Springer'.
5. Do more frivalous spending.
ps, Mom, if you're reading this, I'm only teasing, I have absolutely no intention of watching Maury or Jerry.
Friday, December 31, 2010
PlateList
I love NightLine. When that is I can stay up late enough to watch it. Every now & again, NightLine will highlight a Chef and the dishes that inspired them.
So here’s my PlateList and the individuals who inspired me.
Filet Mignon a la Carol Pingleton
My mom was definitely my first model/inspiration as a chef. My definition of a chef being someone who enjoys cooking and uses their culinary creations to show their love for others. My earliest memories of cooking involve my mom and her frugile creativity. I remember the 'filet mignon' she lovingly prepared for my dad on their anniversary, hamburger patties wrapped in bacon. And I'll never forget the bunny cake she made for Easter one year.
Cajun Specialty – Justin Wilson
Every Saturday morning, afternoon cartoons of course, cooking shows were the pinnacle attraction. Justin Wilson, the Frugile Gourmet, and whoever else PBS had on the line up were welcomed into our home.
Chocolate Souffle - Julia Childs
I remember watching Julia Childs on PBS and trying to be her as well. Whenever the opportunity to cook, bake, or work with food came, I morphed into a television personality, hosting my own show right there in our kitchen. Ps, my Chocolote Souffle didn’t turn out quite as it looked in Julia’s kitchen.
Italian Sausage - Chef Jungo
While taking a hiatus during my extended under graduate years, I spent some time in culinary school. Chef Jungo was older, handsome, charming, and quite sure I’d make a wonderful TV Chef. To his disappointment, I lasted only one semester, my true passion, children & education, came calling me back.
Roasted Acorn Squash with Pureed Plums - Jason & Maddie Olson
Having children changes you. (Duh). But every part of you (not just your hips & boobs). It especially changed the way I looked at what goes into their bodies. I am proud to say both my chillins’ were breast babies, one much longer that the other, & neither had any baby food from a jar, only fresh fruits & veggies steamed, roasted, pureed, and mashed (compliments of my reliable Magic Bullet). Today my kidos both love cake, pies, and cookies, but they have healthy snacking habits and healthy bodies!
Cinnamon Rolls/Cinnamon Toast/Mashed Potatoes/Parkerhouse Rolls - Ree Drummond
There aren’t too many (actually none, I think) recipes that the Pioneer Woman has that I’m not fond of. I’m less compulsively visiting her website, but between her site, blog, and book our house has a heathly dose of Oklahoma cookin’.
So here’s my PlateList and the individuals who inspired me.
Filet Mignon a la Carol Pingleton
My mom was definitely my first model/inspiration as a chef. My definition of a chef being someone who enjoys cooking and uses their culinary creations to show their love for others. My earliest memories of cooking involve my mom and her frugile creativity. I remember the 'filet mignon' she lovingly prepared for my dad on their anniversary, hamburger patties wrapped in bacon. And I'll never forget the bunny cake she made for Easter one year.
Cajun Specialty – Justin Wilson
Every Saturday morning, afternoon cartoons of course, cooking shows were the pinnacle attraction. Justin Wilson, the Frugile Gourmet, and whoever else PBS had on the line up were welcomed into our home.
Chocolate Souffle - Julia Childs
I remember watching Julia Childs on PBS and trying to be her as well. Whenever the opportunity to cook, bake, or work with food came, I morphed into a television personality, hosting my own show right there in our kitchen. Ps, my Chocolote Souffle didn’t turn out quite as it looked in Julia’s kitchen.
Italian Sausage - Chef Jungo
While taking a hiatus during my extended under graduate years, I spent some time in culinary school. Chef Jungo was older, handsome, charming, and quite sure I’d make a wonderful TV Chef. To his disappointment, I lasted only one semester, my true passion, children & education, came calling me back.
Roasted Acorn Squash with Pureed Plums - Jason & Maddie Olson
Having children changes you. (Duh). But every part of you (not just your hips & boobs). It especially changed the way I looked at what goes into their bodies. I am proud to say both my chillins’ were breast babies, one much longer that the other, & neither had any baby food from a jar, only fresh fruits & veggies steamed, roasted, pureed, and mashed (compliments of my reliable Magic Bullet). Today my kidos both love cake, pies, and cookies, but they have healthy snacking habits and healthy bodies!
Cinnamon Rolls/Cinnamon Toast/Mashed Potatoes/Parkerhouse Rolls - Ree Drummond
There aren’t too many (actually none, I think) recipes that the Pioneer Woman has that I’m not fond of. I’m less compulsively visiting her website, but between her site, blog, and book our house has a heathly dose of Oklahoma cookin’.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Blessings
The Good Lord has our given our family so much, this Thanksgiving holiday, I am truely thankful.
Monday, November 15, 2010
ARG!
I'm usually a pretty cheerful, happy individual, but today i'm feeling unusually cranky. Sometimes people just plain irritate me. So today, here's my top ten list of irritating behavior:
10. taking all of the toilet paper on the roll, except for the last 2 squares, especially that last square that always sticks to the roll.
9. turning at 3 mph. REALLY? You have to slow down 500 feet before your turn and then slow down to 3 mph to turn?? COME ON!
8. People with really small feet.
7. Scientist with "facts" about the sun. The sun is like 10 billion degrees. I don't buy it. How do they know? Any thermometer that might be able to even get close enough to the sun would melt. They don't have a clue, they're just guessing. Well today, I'm calling them on it.
6. People who don't say "Bless you" when someone sneezes. Not even a "kazoontight", nada, nothing, that's just rude.
5. Travis when he "puts the dishes away." I know what you're thinkin', cuz it's the same thing my momma told me, "You should just be happy he's doin' the dishes." Well, I would like for at least the spoons to go with other spoons, and things to end up at least in the kitchen. I found a spagetti tong in the bathroom. I'm not making this up. Granted, it was probably Maddie and/or Jason, but still, sorting is not that complicated.
4. Vernacular of facebook. That is the language of facebook that I dont' understand because I'm the only person in the free world who doesn't have a facebook account. Example: doppelganger, dopple-what?
3. People with quiet/well groomed/tidy-haired/dressed children.
ok, i don't feel so cranky anymore, so i'm out of things that really get me steamed. I just wanted to vent.
happy trails,
10. taking all of the toilet paper on the roll, except for the last 2 squares, especially that last square that always sticks to the roll.
9. turning at 3 mph. REALLY? You have to slow down 500 feet before your turn and then slow down to 3 mph to turn?? COME ON!
8. People with really small feet.
7. Scientist with "facts" about the sun. The sun is like 10 billion degrees. I don't buy it. How do they know? Any thermometer that might be able to even get close enough to the sun would melt. They don't have a clue, they're just guessing. Well today, I'm calling them on it.
6. People who don't say "Bless you" when someone sneezes. Not even a "kazoontight", nada, nothing, that's just rude.
5. Travis when he "puts the dishes away." I know what you're thinkin', cuz it's the same thing my momma told me, "You should just be happy he's doin' the dishes." Well, I would like for at least the spoons to go with other spoons, and things to end up at least in the kitchen. I found a spagetti tong in the bathroom. I'm not making this up. Granted, it was probably Maddie and/or Jason, but still, sorting is not that complicated.
4. Vernacular of facebook. That is the language of facebook that I dont' understand because I'm the only person in the free world who doesn't have a facebook account. Example: doppelganger, dopple-what?
3. People with quiet/well groomed/tidy-haired/dressed children.
ok, i don't feel so cranky anymore, so i'm out of things that really get me steamed. I just wanted to vent.
happy trails,
Friday, November 12, 2010
My Girlie
My little Girlie is changing. She's growing. Just today I noticed it. When I picked her and held her she felt bigger, different. Her little lets didn't snuggle around my waist like they always have. Her sentences are...sentences, not little ramblings and sounds. How do I merge my excitement for this indepedence with my feelings of loss over my little bitty baby girlie? I don't know how to, but I have to.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Be Careful Who You Hate, It Might Be Somebody You Love
Please watch this. When I did, I felt great compassion, but more sadness and sorrow. When I think that a 12 year old child could be in such pain that they would consider ending their lives, it fills me with hurt. When I think about Maddie and Jason, I pray they never know this pain, however, I will love my children regardless. Every individual is someone's child and we are all Children of The Lord. If you have ever thought these thoughts, please know you are cared about, and if you've ever been the perpetrader of such words, I urge you to consider the power you hold.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Omissions from "What to expect..." & all the other propaganda for parents
I'm pretty sure, no, I'm positive actually, no where in "What to expect with your toddler or 2 year old or 4 year old for that matter" (it's a 1st edition, you may not have yet seen it), or in the manual we received when we brought Maddie home from the hospital did it include, even mention, the slightest bit about pulling chucks of meat from our once itty bitty, quiet, and snuggly child. I have become a human flosser of sorts as Maddie LOVES pork chops (but, really, can you blame her). Anyway, for all you who don't yet have children with teeth, prepare yourself (vegetarians can still look forward to this as well, mushrooms can be meaty).
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The Rangers are Winning!
During the last 2 games, our coach has been pitching the balls to the boys before they try on the Tee. Saturday, on both of Jason's turn's to bat, he hit the ball, coach pitch, smacked it right out to pitcher's mound. The crowd was wowed!
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